Discarded Celeb Fat Makes 'Star Candles'
HOLLYWOOD, California — Connecting with your favorite celebrity is now easier than ever, thanks to the marketing efforts of Star Candles™. Like incense, just order a candle that contains the essence of such stars as Angelina Jolie, Nicole Ritchie, Cameron Diaz, Boyonce or Miley Cyrus! The celebrity byproduct is a mixture of their liposuctioned fat combined with 100% natural beeswax. Makes for a fabulous gift! To order your very own Star Candle™ today, just call Dr. T at 213-952-9723.
Walk of Infamy Adds Britney Spears
The Walk of Infamy is adding Britney Spears as the latest (and the youngest) inductee to make the (de)grade. The collection of pentacled stars, embedded in the alleyway behind the celebrity Junk Museum, includes such notorious performers and industry professionals as: Fatty Arbuckle, O.J. Simpson, Robert Blake and Phil Spector. The elite group was chosen for their abilities to produce notable careers and ignoble criminal court cases. After acknowledging an increasing shortfall of credible, quality performers for the original star-studded walk, the new walk was established to "honor those who have made dubious contributions to the entertainment and broadcasting businesses, and to mankind in general."
The first group inductees (February, 2006) included members of the Brat Pack as well as Russell Crowe, Nick Nolte, Winona Ryder, Howard Sterns and Janet Jackson.
Rehab Clinic Wing Opens at Museum
An overabundance of drug abusing celebrities has paved the way for a new wing of the Celebrity Junk Museum, dedicated to the ongoing competition to be the most drugged-out celebrity. Leading the pack is old-timer Mel Gibson, followed closely by Nick Nolte, with Lindsay Lohan and K-Fed tied for third place. The museum exhibit will keep a running tally and ranking on each unruly celebrity.
