Spoiler warning: The ape gets screwed in the end.

Rob Pierce (Tom Cruise) is your typical Hollywood producer: good looking, rich, smart and gay.  One of his favorite hedonistic activities is going on sex junkets to exotic places in search of dark-skinned native teens.  But when he heads off to Humpback Island, off the coast of Thailand, he assumes it’ll be just another week of the usual sordid sex under the sun.  Pierce ends up in an interracial relationship that has near-tragic repercussions — the destruction of L.A.

In the heat of the island jungles, Pierce falls head over high heels for an enormous albeit semi-erect primate called Kong (Harvey Fierstein), whom he fondly nicknames “Schlong.”

Queen Kong is ultimately a tale of animal attraction and love, but also about the difficulties of animal husbandry — with the moral being: What goes on in the jungle stays in the jungle. 

Pierce discovers that he wants to settle down and have a normal homogamous relationship.  He takes Kong with him back to his West Hollywood house, and keeps him in the back yard.  Pierce plans to make the ape into the star of his next flick.  Pierce forces Kong to undergo a drag queen makeover and to wear a French maid’s outfit around the house.  He also starts the ape on hormonal hair retardant therapy.  Meanwhile, the sad simian develops a love for Pierce’s studly pool boy, Harry (Brad Pitt). 


Kong’s feminant treatments unbalance his hormones, and Harry introduces Kong to crystal meth.  When Pierce discovers Harry and Kong are doing it behind his back, Kong becomes afraid. 

Kong grabs Harry and starts destroying the city.  Finally, trapped together atop the Beverly Hills Hotel, they square off against the LAPD and the half-dozen remnants of the entire California National Guard. 

Pierce promises to cease Kong’s hair removal regimen and take him on a shopping spree at Barney’s if he’ll just come down.  But Kong is now beyond reason, and when he rips off his maid’s outfit, throws down his garter belt and lipstick, and professes his undying love for Harry, this is too much for Pierce — who shoots and kills the ape and his not-so-secret lover.

Pierce is lauded as a hero and is tapped to run Dreamworks.

This reviewer predicts you’ll go ape over this enlightened, entertaining and twisted remake of King Kong.

Rated NC-17 for some hardcore bestiality scenes.

The filmmakers are still looking for a distributor.  You can contact the producer via email at tipton@queenkong.com.

If you enjoyed this review, be sure to check out other LaLa Times reviews, such as the dreary Scandinavian holiday classic It's a Horrible Life, and the riveting survival tale Nine Below.

You can also purchase glossy 12 in. x 18 inch movie poster parodies for just $9.99!