LALALAND -- The number of people taken ill by an outbreak of E. coli bacteria in Tinsel Town rose to more than 200 on Monday, with at least 20 treated to dinner at Spago's as they recover.

State health officials believe they have successfully tracked down the estimated 1,800 people from as many as seven states who had sex with Britney Spears or Paris Hilton over the span of a week.

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"These people are walking, talking health hazards."
— Wes Clearman, California Department of Health spokesman

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California Department of Health spokesman Wes Clearman explained that "The evidence overwhelmingly points to contaminated, skanky celebrities as the source.  These people are walking, talking health hazards, and they need to literally clean up their acts and themselves."

Health Department officials have used a logbook signed by people who have recently had sex with filthy celebrities, inquiring as to whether they washed their hands afterwards. 

Clearman said investigators have collected and will analyze smegma and other bodily fluids traced to trashy celebrity orgies. He said it is likely that those who got sick had intimate relations with celebs who were originally contaminated by E. coli bacteri.

"We thought dirty spinach was bad enough," said Clearman, "but we fear this is much worse."