The LaLa Times: California Satire, Weird and Bizarre News

hybrid horse n: a superior attitude that comes from driving a hybrid car. Rayne was sick of Roberta's environmental rantings so she told her to get off her ~. [J. Tipton, Pac. Palisades] -more-

Power Wash Therapy. Let our experienced pros blow you away!

Buddha's Gym. Become one with any body.

Crackhead Speeddating. Where dedicated addicts find love fast.

Scrotox, 20% off! For wrinkle-free testicles!

Dog Meditation. See the dog, be the God.

Menorah Mountain, 1/2 price! Jews and goys alike are thrilled at this new theme park.

Posthumous Herbal Body Wraps. Beverly Hills Morgue offers elite clientele a special new service.

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Organic Farmers Full of Crap, Not Afraid to Use It William Shatner's Brain Donated to Celebrity Museum Tongue Tattoos: New Fad Church, Environmentalists Protest Sports Mascots Man Markets Alternative Fuel: Assoline



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The News Features are the longer-length pieces which generally fall under the above categories. They should be fairly self-explanatory, but in case they're not, here are a few examples of what you can expect to find:

Entertainment: Since "no one knows nothing," look here for everything about anyone.

Environment & Weather: Feeling under the weather (or smog)? Welcome to the atmosphere.

Law & Business: Plenty here about politically correct facism, ridiculous court cases and absurd new businesses.

Leisure & Lifestyle: California on the cutting edge of culture -- check out the bloody mess!

Metro: Local-yokel stuff that spoofs your community and its beloved and behated leaders.

Miscellaneous: When generic labels just won't stick.

Politics: ...in all its sordid, sullied forms.

Science & Technology: See how the Golden State pushes the envelope into the letter of progress.

Sports: The smell of victory, the agony of the feet.

State: Arnold über Alles!

Transportation: Getting from A to Z — by way of queues.