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Just Do It — For Christsakes! Lingerie
Jesus products have made their mark, but this one takes the cake: ‘Just Do It — For Christsakes! ™” is a Christian lingerie line that’s made in Jesus’ name...
The latest Jesus product to hit the shelves comes in the form of a lingerie and sexual accessories line that’s a spin-off of Nike’s Just Do It campaign.

SODOM CITY, Calif. — Jesus products have been increasingly making their mark, but this one takes the cake: ‘Just Do It — For Christsakes! ™” is a Christian lingerie line that’s made in Jesus’ name.

The brand logo is described by company materials as: the Just Do It swoosh meets Jesus on the cross at Calgary.

"We encourage all God’s sinners to find the Spirit this Christmas season — and year-round."  — Luke Smith, Vice President of Marketing

“Christians have sex, too, you know,” says spokesman Luke Smith, “There are a lot of us on the planet, so we’re obviously doing it. Why should sexuality be a scary thing, or something that we need to hide and be ashamed of? Instead of running from our passion, we embrace it, love it, and spread the word. We encourage all God’s sinners to find the Spirit this Christmas season — and year-round.”

Some of the new products in the JustDoIt™ line (for more traditional bedroom tastes) include Born Again Strapless Bras, Holy Hostess Mesh Hosiery, “Glove Thy Neighbor” Lace Ruffle Gloves, Garden of Gethsemane Garter Belt, and the Sea of Galilee Fishnet Stockings.

The specialty line of accessories, called 2HighHeavens™, features slightly raunchier bedroom accessories such as the hot-selling King of Kings Kinky Corset, and the Parting the Red Sea Crotchless Panties.

More practical accessories are the raison d’etre for OhMyGod!™ Jesus Products, another subset of the For Christsakes! Line. The OhMyGod! Condoms feature scriptural verses written on the condoms. When a man becomes erect, both he and his lover can suddenly read the verse and ‘learn as they yearn.’

Some of the most popular Bible verses include:
  • “Love one another…” — Rom 12:10
  • “Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort me.” — Job 21:34
  • “Thy will be done, on Earth, as in Heaven…” — Mt. 6:10
“And if it’s by chance an orgy,” says Luke, “well that’s just more potential people who can read the Word (through Jesus products) and discover God.”

SAINT TERESA'S ECSTASY: Even Biblical scholars are looking at classic religious figures in a new light.

LALA