Trial Lawyer Battles Elusive Alligator > The LaLa Times: California Satire, Weird and Bizarre News

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Trial Lawyer Battles Elusive Alligator

A trial lawyer dismisses New Orleans alligator catcher as a "wimpy psychopath," says he'll jump in himself and catch the elusive gater in Harbor City's Lake Machado.

by George Wolfe

HARBOR CITY, Calif. — Less than a month after a team of Gatorland professionals were called "retarded" by a New Orleans alligator catcher, the alligator catcher himself is now being labled a "wimpy psychopath."

Trial lawyer Bellicose Vaynes isn't afraid to jump into the fight. In fact, he came all the way down from his law offices in San Francisco to battle the elusive, 7-foot gator dubbed "Reggie," who now resides comfortably in Lake Machado.

"Alligators are a cinch compared to law."
— Bellicose Vaynes, trial lawyer

"I've done it all my life. Hell — alligators are a cinch compared to law. I'm going to get my skivvies on right now and I'll meet all you journalist-pussies down at lakeside. We'll see who's tougher. I'll tell you one thing right now though: The last guy who tried to catch Reggie was a wimpy psychopath — the guy wanted to brain the creature... and this thing has been in the lake for two whole months now!"

Vaynes says he intends to catch Reggie the old fashioned way: swimming around until he finds him and then will wrestle the reptile back to shore.

GET A GRIP: Trial lawyer Vaynes hopes to wrangle the elusive gator into shore.