LANCASTER, CA — When humans get the flu they often turn to good old chicken soup to find relief, but up until now there has been little to offer birds to alleviate their suffering, from the benign common flu to the deadly bird flu epidemic.

And even though scientists have experimented with vaccines and medicines to help prevent and treat bird flu, nothing has made a difference.  Fortunately, a very logical remedy now exists: Human Noodle Soup™.

Dr. Kazslo Kovacs of the Lancaster-based Avian Solutions has been doing research with the soup for several years, and is excited about the results.  "At first the chickens didn't like the soup — a lot of them threw up, it was really pathetic.  But then I started adding in different spices, vegetables, and other people parts until I found a concoction that most of them love.  They’re like children — not all kids like the same thing, but most will eat pizza." 

Kovacs’ findings will be published in an upcoming article in the popular journal Bird Malady.
 
Kovacs wants to produce the soup on a mass scale, but he’s now having a difficult time finding humans or human parts for his human noodle soup.  He apparently has been getting his human meat from a variety of sources: funeral homes, family planning clinics, even employees at Avian Solutions (in exchange for stock options). 

But Kovacs is finding it difficult to get his meat needs met and the local police are starting to cause problems.  Kovacs, however, is not worried and feels that the people that are disturbed by the soup will eventually come around.

"Someday people will realize the seriousness of this situation.  I have the cure to a disease that could wipe out the world and people want to worry about ethics and morals?!  If I’m forbidden to take this to market by a few “do-gooders,” then they can answer to the people when they ask why more wasn't done," said Kovacs at a recent protest outside of El Pollo Loco.  "Millions of people may have died during World War II, but millions of chickens are dying everyday."

To order your very own can of Human Noodle Soup™use our Contact Page.