EL SEGUNDO, Ca. — Los Angeles Laker basketball star Kobe Bryant has claimed that former Laker center Shaquille O’Neill once told him that the big man had carnal knowledge with a marmoset, a pair of wombats and a walrus.

 Bryant had told detectives off the record in the recently dismissed criminal rape case in Eagle County, Colorado that O’Neill paid up to one million dollars as hush money regarding extramarital affairs.

 Now, the "high-scoring" guard contends O’Neill, traded to the Miami Heat, confided in him that he had a weak spot for certain marsupials and aquatic creatures.

 "Hey, Shaq is a big guy and he has big needs," Bryant casually commented.

 Lakers Houston Rocket Tracy McGrady, who led the league last year with a 28.0 point-per-game average and is known as one of the league’s more polite, soft-spoken players, has also been cited as having "freakazoidal tendencies."

 Bryant insists McGrady once told him that he enjoyed covering himself with crunchy peanut butter and grape jelly and having three or four hotel maids "clean the plate," as he supposedly referred to it.

 Perry Rogers, O’Neill’s agent, puffed up like he had the measles when asked for his opinion. "I-I-It’s like, just..." and was unable to form a coherent sentence for some moments. Eventually, he stated, "Kobe has gone too far. He’s broken the unspoken law in this league. You never talk about other players and their bizarre, uh, their personal lives."

 The identity of the 20-year-old woman who accused Bryant of raping her in a Vail resort will be revealed in the civil suit. Bryant was counting on the friendly testimony of other NBA players. But in light of his verbal attacks, which include the assertion that towering, seven foot, six inch Houston center Yao Ming likes to dress up in a nun’s habit and have his bare buttocks spanked with a tennis racket by a middle-aged female UPS driver, the Laker superstar may not find many players to support him.

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